Story contest!!!, come, come, come!!

[watervampire]

Okay, since I´ve found out there ISN´T even a sub-forum for contests here (I know I could make one, but I´m too lazy, so there just isn´t a sub-forum at the moment) I decided to put a contest in the announcements again

This time it´s a story contest, I don´t care if you´ve never posted a story on the site though, it´s just about us having fun, and you testing your skills... this time, if you win or not, I decided your story would get commented on (typos, plot, ending, whatever) so even if you don´t will, you will get that out of it...
I´m of course hoping for a lot of entries (even though that´d mean I´d have to read and comment to tons of stories ) hint, hint

The rules are simple (And I´ll try to make less than last time )
1. Your story had no more than 1000 words (which is pretty much, so no sulking!) and no less than 250 (If you´d even be able to do that)
2. In your story is to be (at least?) one metaphor, and there has to be one ´surprise´ or ´shock´ moment.
3. Your story is not to be a fanfic.
4. Your story is, as far as possible, grammatically correct (I just don´t like it whent they´re full of typos, it´s annoying...)

I don´t give a shit about what the subject of your story is (just make it fun to read ) You can send me your entry or (preferably) post it in here...

Good luck everybody!!!

[Lana]

cool I really wanna compete but I always make really long stories... are multiple chapters allowed?

[Ilovetoread]

as far as I know they are but you can only summit one I think idk how WaterVampire want's to do it but I say yes but not have all chapters smitted.

[watervampire]

Yes, when you always write long stories, so when you know you won´t be able to keep it within the 1000 words, you can also send me one (or two) chapters of the story, and hope they´re good enough, and make up for the fact it´s not the complete story

You´re not allowed to post stories longer than 1000 words though, and I prefer stories over chapters... but as Ilovetoread said, it´s up to you guys...

Note to all admins!!! If you want to participate in the contest, you give up on the right to judge. If you want to judge the contest together with me (and taylor?) please send me a message...

Also, I´d prefer that the only posts being made here from now on are stories... if you have urgent questions you can make a post here, our send me a PM, and I´ll answer it... that saves the judges time from having to search through a crowded topic to find stories littered everwhere :S

[Lana]

here's my entry...
I decided to do one whole story after all
At first it was just over 1000 words(Now it's 999 words, 1000 including the title) though so I made it shorter, sorry if it's told really fast.

Heartbeat.

“A little more face paint here…”
“A little more, you said that three hours ago…”
“Honest! For the mouldy effect.”
“Mouldy?”
“You wanted to be a zombie right? A rotting zombie, that’s what you said.”
“Rotting, not moulding.”
“Fine, a rotting effect then. There, done.”
Jessie stood up and handed me a mirror.
“Aaargh!”
“What? What is it? Is there a spider on the mirror?”
“Ha. Ha.” I said sarcastically.
Jessie, already the spitting image of Dracula(female version), was a fantastic artist, and since tonight was Halloween, she offered to make me a zombie. I liked Halloween, though, not because of the creepy part. I was scared of absolutely everything. Then, why did I like Halloween, you might wonder?
“Kids!” Mom shouted, “Come down here, I’ve got some -“
“CANDY!!!!!!”
We raced down the stairs into the kitchen, where chocolate, fudge, potato chips and my mother awaited us.
“Wow, Jessie, you did a nice job. I must say, I’m impressed.”
“Thank you, mrs. Johnson.”
“Are you going to rob the neighbours of all of their candy again, like last year?”
“Mom! We didn’t take their bonbons! And, no, tonight we’re going to the party at school.”
“I see, well, you can take the potato chips but I’m keeping the rest. And… Have fun!”
“Thanks, mom!”
While we walked past the neighbours’ house we saw them hide all of the candy and quickly close the curtains, and then, around the corner, we saw the school.
We entered the building and as soon as we found our friends, Mike and Lil, we immediately started dancing.
The room got more and more filled with people, until it was so full that you almost couldn’t dance anymore.
It didn’t take me long to notice that more than half of the people had decided to come as a zombie. Their disguises were really good, too, I couldn’t recognise any of them. Was my disguise that good too?
I walked closer to the others and told them that I was going to get some fresh air, and they came with me.
“Did you notice how many people came as zombies?”
“Zombies? No, I didn’t notice.” Mike said.
“You didn’t? Not possible, they were everywhere!” Lil said.
“Never mind him, lately all he’s been watching is Morgan.”
“What? Have not.”
“There’s no use denying it, Mike, you have a crush on her.”
“Do not. Anyway, let’s go back inside.”
We entered the building completely stunned. The gym, which had been as crowded as an ant-hill someone just stepped on 5 minutes ago, was now deserted.
“What the…”
“Hey, over here.”
A voice said from around a corner.
Slowly we walked towards the voice, and I recognised the face.
“Bart? Where is everyone?”
Then, suddenly he poked me in the stomach.
“Ouch!”
“Sorry, I just needed to know that you were alive.”

“… What?”
“The zombies in the gym before, they were real!”
For a moment I froze, my mind completely blocked, nothing could get in or out except for those words. Then, I realised what was going on.
“Oh, right. This is just some giant prank, right?”
I said, walking back in to the gym.
“You can come out now! Geez, how lame. I know I get scared quickly, granted, but did you guys honestly believe I was going to fall for –“
Then, I noticed a silhouette in the door.
Soon, I recognised her.
“Morgan?”
The figure stopped for a while, and Mike came too. Not laughing, as I hoped he would be, but shaking.
“Morgan…”
“Get out!” Bart shouted.
Mike was walking towards Morgan, and I realised what would happen.
I ran towards Mike and pulled him away, and we ran towards the hideout.
“Where are the others?”
“Taken. They were all stunned and couldn’t get out in time. We have to get away!.”
“The nearest exit is that way, let’s go!”
“It’s locked, why do you think I’m still here?”
“Then how can we get out?”
“Why do you think I’m still here?”
“So what do you suppose we do?!”
“Not get taken away, I suppose…”

Over the next hour we moved from place to place as silent as possible, until Mike stopped.
“I’m going back. ”
“What? ”
“I can’t leave Morgan there…”
“Mike, what are you talking about? Morgan-”
Mike had started to run, and I followed him.
“Mike, stop!”
“No, I need Morgan!”
I saw the others coming after me.
“Stay there! Stay Together!”
Mike stopped.
“Morgan… I came for you!”
“Life… you have life… Why can you have life and can’t we? ”
“What? Morgan, I want to help you!”
“Life… I we can’t have life, can’t breathe, why can you?!”
Mike walked closer to her and said: “Morgan… I want to help you…”
“Follow me…”
“Mike! Come back!”
More and more silhouettes appeared, becoming clearer and clearer, and I realised if Mike went with Morgan, he’d end up just like her.
But then I couldn’t see him anymore, he had disappeared behind all of the zombies.
“Mike!!”
Now they saw me too, and I ran for it, back to the others.
Luckily they were still in the same spot.
“Where’s Mike?”
“…Taken.” I said.
“You’re one of them.” Bart said.
“What?”
“Bart, that’s ridiculous!”
“No! Look at him! He’s rotting and mouldy…He just wants us dead, just like he killed Mike!”
“No! Bart, you’re mistaken! This here is face paint! Jessie put it on! Tell him, Jessie!”
But Jessie was silent.
“No… I’m not… No…”
“Go away! Come on, guys, run!”
Lil, Bart and Jessie ran as fast as they could, they ran for their lives, and I never saw them again. I screamed, shouted, until all I could see were silhouettes.
Dark, grey, silhouettes coming closer.
How I long back for those days, how I yearn for a heartbeat, how I envy and hate the living…
Just wait until the next Halloween, when the gates to the living open for the dead.
You might join us too.

[Taylor]

Contest/Announceemnts >.> contest is sort of an announcement... its fine with me

[watervampire]

Okay... this way people will also notice it faster, and we might get more entries Nice story Lana ^.^

[+ Marcus Fenix]

An Episode of War

It was hotter than hell in that part of Baghdad. It was a sweltering 110 degrees before noon, and not a breeze to be felt. The lieutenant wiped his brow, dragging some sweat and grime off with it. Every company but his was doing a sector by sector sweep of the surrounding area, and there was a heavy Al Queda presence, and heavy casualties were expected.
The El-Tee was standing by his tent, stretching after dealing a hand of cards to his subordinates for a game of poker. The Lieutenant sat back down, and looked at his hand: a pair of black aces, a pair of black eights, and the nine of diamonds. As he laid his bet, he was rocked backward. Then came the sound. A loud crack. The Lieutenant looked at his arm. Blood was seeping out of a wound in his wrist, pooling over the cards, and soiling the U.S dollars that lay on the table. The Lieutenant focused on his wound, thinking, where did that come from? His mind was torn away from this interesting prospect as the Sergeant opposite him flung himself over the table, knocking the Lieutenant flat, everyone at the table simultaeneously screaming “Sniper!” and “Medic”.
More shots followed the first, and what was once a peaceful oasis turned into a raging battle. The lieutenant was ushered back behind the lines, the whole time watching the blood pump rhythmically from the crimson stain upon his sleeve. He was forced into a tent bearing a large red cross. The surgeon came and looked at his arm.
“AK,” he concluded, “looks like it broke your wrist. This won’t be easy, but I think that I can fix it.”
By now the Lieutenant was all alone. He struggled feebly against the iron grip of the surgeon knocking him out with chloroform. Before the darkness came, he heard the surgeon mutter to his companion, “We got better at fixing wounds, but they just got better weapons that cause them.” Blackness came.
Some time later, the lieutenant awoke with a cast upon his arm. The surgeon was next to him.
“Once we got the bullet out it was easier than I thought. The round didn’t penetrate any major arteries and only ripped through part of the bone. You have several pins in your arm and will most likely be in lots of pain for the next few weeks.”
The surgeon shook his head and sighed.
“If that was a musketball, it would have torn right through that part of your arm. We would have had to amputate it. Thank God we have lots of antiseptic, and better methods of tending wounds than back in those days,” he clapped the lieutenant on the shoulder, “well, at least you still have an arm.” He left the Lieutenant alone on the bed.

[Hatake.Ayanne]

Here's my entry:

Too late…

Once, not so long ago, there was a girl who lived with her mother and her brother in a house near a dark forest. Her father had disappeared long ago, her mother was away for work until late every day, and her brother studied until late and then went out with his friends, so that, whenever the girl came home, she would be alone. And every day, when she came home, she would dump her stuff at home and go out to the forest. As she walked, she could still hear her mother say: “Don’t go to the forest, and don’t stay out until it’s too late…” But she always ignored these warnings. Every day she came there, and nothing ever went wrong, until…

One day, when she came home, it was nearing dark. Her mother was almost in tears. “Never go near the forest again!” She said. “Never come home after dark!” The fear and emotion in her mother’s voice shocked the girl, and she promised never to go near the forest again, after which her mother hugged her and then left for her evening group.

The girl was still shaken, and didn’t go near the forest the next few weeks, but slowly, the fear in her mother’s voice was starting to loose it’s grip on her. And after four weeks, she went to the forest again. When she came home on the late side again, her mother yelled at her, saying: “Never go into the forest again! Never come home after dark!”

Once again shaken, the girl left the forest alone for a few weeks, but, also once again, the threat lost it’s warning, and the girl went back, as she always had. When the dark neared, she returned home, to find her mother wasn’t there. She had diner with her brother, then, when he left to go to his friends, the girl went to the forest to see how it looked after the dark. When she came there, she heard footsteps behind her. She spun around, but there was no-one there. She got spooked, and ran all the way home, the footsteps never leaving her ears. She slammed and locked the door behind her. When she went to sleep, the footsteps followed her still, and she woke up 20 times at least, panting and sweating, and screaming for her mom, but she wasn’t there.

When she came home the following day, her brother was sitting at the table with her mother, comforting her Her mother looked as if she’s just rolled around in the mud, and her face was smeared with lipstick, make-up and tears. The girl ran over and hugged her mother, but her mother was hysterical. “There was a dead body James! Dead! All the blood… in the forest…” She slumped down in her chair, and hugged the girl to her chest. “Oh dear, you must promise me never to come near the forest at night, never again! NEVER!” She shook the girl by the shoulders, and made her promise, no, SWEAR never EVER to go near the forest again. And so she did, what else could she do?

She tried really hard to keep her promise, she really did. But it seemed like the forest called for her, beckoned her with its smooth green voice. So she went again. This time, she would be spooked away for months. She walked along the path to the open space, and found the forest was becoming eerie, and dark was spreading fast. Footsteps came up behind her, and she walked faster. The footsteps also picked up speed. She ran, and ran, and ran, and once looked around. All she saw was a pair of glowing yellow eyes. Screaming, she ran home, to find she was once again alone.

The next morning, her mother sat at the kitchen table, crying, and talking to her brother when the girl came down, So she stood still in the hallway and listened to her mother’s voice. “Oh James, I nearly… yesterday, I… Oh James, what can I do? I don’t want her to share my horrible fate! Oh, how can I stop this, how can I keep her safe? She’s almost at the age…”

When she came home that day, the girl was told they were going to move to another town, far away from here. They moved the next week, and she didn’t see the forest again.

Four years later

The girls sighed as she breathed in the fresh forest air of the town where she’s lived when she was eight. She was so happy they moved back there for her mother’s work (the travelling was too pressing). She’d missed the town and her friends, but most of all, she’d missed the forest. So the first chance she got, she went back there, and walked around the old familiar paths. She always felt so safe in this forest, and so sure. It was warm and friendly, inviting, almost. The acient trees seemed to talk to her, and she couldn’t help but smile as she climbed into her favourite tree and sat on her favourite spot, in the sun. There, in the bark of the tree, names were etched, and the most fresh scar read: Alice. She smiled again, and the smile stayed on her lips as she dozed off into sleep…

Alice awoke with a start, to see absolutely nothing. After blinking a few times, she realised that she had fallen asleep sitting in the tree, and that it was now dark. Her mother’s words, right before she left, rang through her ears: “Never go out to the forest! Never come home after dark!” She jumped out of the tree and started home, but halfway through the forest, she heard footsteps approaching, and she felt a familiar, eerie feeling creep over her. She ran, but the footsteps didn’t loose her. In her hysterical panic, she stumbled and fell. The footsteps halted. She didn’t dare look up, but somehow felt she had to. So she did. “Mom?” Her mother said nothing, she just stood there, with her eyes closed. “Oh mom, I was so scared, there were these footsteps, and-” The words stuck in her throat as around her mother, yellow eyes started glowing. “M-mom?” I told you not to go into the forest at night, didn’t I?” Her mother spoke, in a slow, unearthly voice. “I told you never to stay after dark. I told you never to be late.” She opened her eyes and Alice screamed. Her mother’s eyes were blazing yellow. “NO!”She screamed, and tried to get away, but creatures circled her, and her mother bowed over her, sharp teeth showing in her mouth, red of blood, and a tear running down her cheek.

“Too late…”

I have copyright! so if you steal, I WILL kill you (with my socks!)

Hatake Ayanne -xxx-

[Hatake.Ayanne]

p.s. it's a little too long, is that really bad? (1130)
don't kill me?

[watervampire]

I'll survive... we have three entries now, should still try getting some more... maybe I should try to figure out how I can send everyone from the forum an e-mail/message, so I can advertise for the contest

[Hatake.Ayanne]

Anyone going to end this contest anytime soon?

[Hatake.Ayanne]

Dudes, when are you going to end this story competition (no one else is signing up for it anymore...)? Wouldn't mind to get an answer to this question, really...

Komiyan

[Hatake.Ayanne]

Oh, all the activity! It drives me insane! No, don't answer all of my questions so fast, I beg of you!

Oh, sweet Irony. I'm removing that story within this month if no one is ending this competition... I'm sick of waiting for a little critcism and some speed here...